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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

"2008.01.15 18:31" Message To My LOVE

"You have shown a rare insight in what you have said...its not that i have changed but just that...everything in my life had a special place because i thought i had purpose in my life...without purpose i don't have anything to look forward to...it is purpose which gives me the energy to live and enjoy life "and since the day i have discovered that i have been leading a purposeless life..-my zest for life has slowly bled away...its not that i don't love you but just loving you without having to deserve the rest of love or affection makes it feel ...unfelt...love is to support to be there but what am i doing "in life that i would need support or deserve it. This lack of purpose not only is tormenting me but is also punishing those i love and the one thing i sometimes feel like screaming is that the world give me the time to do what i want in this life free of obligations and actually DESERVE what love or affection that people give me. My love of purpose is the love that drives everything in my life and such is my state that it has been snatched from me and i feel it going farther away every moment...i don't want to live life, have a family, do my duties because i would deserve and enjoy them only when i have thrown all myself to this world and won or attempted all battles which have a meaning..not like every other parasite who settler down and does what is expected like a slave without the feeling of loss that his life holds no more meaning..."

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